Category Archives: Matches

Lithuania 0-1 England: Soul Destroying Boredom

On the positive side, the idea of football is to win, and we did. That’s about the only nice thing I can find to say after having sat through another 90 minutes of utter tedium. But I guess only an idiot keeps doing the same thing and expects a different result. We all knew what was going to happen, and yet we still watched. Gareth Southgate chose to use this… Read Article →

England 1-0 Slovenia: Job Done In The Dullest Possible Way

We’re all going to the 2018 World Cup! So why is nobody excited? Probably because we had to sit through yet another thoroughly dull and uninspiring qualification match, where England scraped the result they needed against inferior opponents. This was a home banker on paper, England were heavy odds on with every bookie you could name. And yet it’s a match we could easily have lost. Despite England dominating possession… Read Article →

Malta 0-4 England: Flattering!

England came away from Malta with the scoreline they wanted. But anyone who managed to stay awake through the match will know that it was one they scarcely deserved. Still, this is qualifying and points on the board is all that counts. Malta were always going to set up to frustrate England. Their 5-4-1 formation is designed to limit damage and hopefully get a draw. It’s no secret that this… Read Article →

France 3-2 England: Surprisingly Entertaining Kick About

England lost to 10 man France, but nobody really cares. Considering this was no more than a low key end of season kick about, with an atmosphere to match, it was surprisingly watchable. We’re not reading too much into the result or the performance. We’re just glad there were some goals. The pre match was quite touching. A very well respected minute’s silence from two countries who both know the… Read Article →

Scotland 2-2 England: Kane Spares England Blushes

Well that was almost a lot worse! On a sunny early evening at Hampden, Harry Kane struck with less than 2 minutes remaining to rescue a draw and spare England the embarrassment of losing to Scotland. A draw still isn’t good, but it was probably a fairer reflection of what was in truth a very poor game. The whole match felt more like an end of season friendly than a… Read Article →

England 2-0 Lithuania: Comfortable, Routine & Predictable

Gareth Southgate’s first competitive match as permanent England manager ended in a 2-0 win. Probably the most predictable result imaginable. The script was written from the start, and the actors played their parts to perfection. Lithuania would sit back and try to frustrate the hosts. England would patiently play the ball around trying to work an opening and break them down. Having done so, they would just continue to sit… Read Article →