Sunday May 24, 2009; Premier League.

Survival Sunday

With everything at the top end of the Premier League basically sorted out in advance it was inevitable that most attention would focus on the bottom of the table on the final afternoon.

Never slow to hype up events Sky had dubbed the last day "Survival Sunday" with four teams still in danger of joining West Bromwich Albion in next seasons' Championship. Middlesbrough appeared to be all but gone while Sunderland looked likely to escape. Newcastle United and Hull City seemed likely to be fighting a dual battle to see who survived and who took the dreaded drop.

Of course there were all manner of permutations and there was the possibility of much drama and tension.

Middlesbrough (away to West Ham) needed to win and both Newcastle and Hull to lose to stay up. In the process they would also need a five goal swing in goal difference between themselves and Hull if they were to somehow survive.

Sunderland (at home to Chelsea) would be safe unless both Newcastle and Hull were to win their games. If that did happen, though, then Sunderland would actually need a victory over Chelsea to survive.

If it was to come down to a straight fight between Newcastle (away at Aston Villa) and Hull (home to Manchester United) then Newcastle would need to record a better result than Hull to overtake their rivals. Of course if Hull were to win then there would be nothing Newcastle could do about it and with the prospect of United sending out a hugely weakened side ahead of their Champions League final that possibility was not as remote as it obviously otherwise would have been.

So this was the scenario we were faced with in the build up to the final day and television, the newspapers and, I suppose, the man in the street milked the situation for all it was worth.

Top of the agenda was speculating as to what team Alex Ferguson would send to Hull. There were dark noises about a weakened side destroying the integrity of the league, as if it had any to start with, and the possible fallout from such a decision should it lead to a decisive Hull victory.

While this talk was inevitable it was particularly futile as it was obvious that Ferguson would be sending a team without any potential Champions League participants and everyone else would just have to get on with it.

While this situation was regrettable it was also completely understandable. Everybody else, in the same situation, would have done exactly the same thing.

But the likely United team remained a source of endless debate and controversy. There was endless debate about Newcastle United and the potential consequences of relegation to that club. There was endless speculation about what would happen to Messrs Shearer, Southgate and Sbragia in the aftermath of Sunday's events.

The build up was relentless with everybody having their say, even if it was only to say that they had nothing to say, and the scene was set for an afternoon of unremitting drama, tension and tears.

What nobody bothered to point out in the big build up was that any potential drama hinged on at least one of the teams involved being able to either get a positive result or at least take the lead in one of the games.

The fact that the four teams involved had only managed to collect about ten points between them since Christmas might have reasonably suggested that it would not actually be a day of total suspense but a day of tedious incompetence and simply the macabre spectacle of two teams dying a slow, lingering, helpless death.

And lo and behold.

Survival Sunday? Did these teams really know that Premier League survival was at stake? Did they care? Were they under the impression that only one side was being relegated this season?

From the word go it appeared that the only plan any of the teams had was to rely on the other teams being worse than they were and not get any points either. This even applied to Newcastle and Middlesbrough who were already in the relegation zone.

Sunderland and Hull were obviously just hoping that Newcastle weren't able to get anything at Villa while Newcastle and Middlesbrough were apparently relying on Sunderland and Hull being so bad that the Premier League decided to dock them points.

To be fair nobody could have argued if such a punishment had been handed out to Hull who were abjectly outplayed by the weakest Manchester United side sent out in many years.

The only hint of drama, excitement or fighting spirit came early on. Newcastle began reasonably well at Villa and enjoyed a ten minute spell of pressure which had the ball bobbling dangerously around the Villa box on several occasions. Nobody was able to provide a decisive finish, however.

Then a cat was set amonst the pigeons as Darron Gibson, hugely impressive all afternoon, spanked a tremendous angled drive into the far corner of the Hull net to drop them into the relegation zone.

This set the Newcastle fans celebrating at Villa Park but, unfortunately, their teams' spell of pressure had spent itself and a typically calamitous moment in defence then sent them back into the drop zone.

Gareth Barry sent a fairly harmless drive towards goal which deflected off Damien Duff's foot to wrongfoot Steve Harper and gift Villa the lead.

This goal sent the Hull fans into raptures and they were celebrating for the remainder of the afternoon despite the fact that their team continued to remind everyone of why they had slumped into such trouble with a display lacking any creativity, skill or even real passion.

Of course the Hull fans remained tense as a Newcastle goal at Villa Park would have been enough to send them back into the drop zone but they would not have been so nervous had they been able to watch that game instead. Newcastle were unable to mount one serious threat on the Villa goal during the entire second half and didn't even look as though they were trying to for the most part.

One inviting cross from Enrique curled close to the far post but it was a telling indictment that there wasn't one Newcastle player within lunging distance.

Elsewhere Middlesbrough were slumping to a 2-1 defeat at West Ham while Sunderland drew level twice before losing 3-2 to Chelsea in a frantic second half at the Stadium of Light. As expected these results didn't really matter in the long run as the tamest of all relegation battles ended, fittingly, with none of those involved being able to lift a finger to help themselves.

Not so much survival of the fittest as a case of survival of the marginally less unfit.

It made me think that it would be a good idea to scrap relegation places altogether and simply set a minimum points total required for survival. 38 points seems fair enough and that would have condemned Hull and Sunderland as well as Newcastle, Middlesbrough and West Brom.

I don't think those clubs could have complained if their efforts this season had been deemed unworthy of a place in next seasons' competition and it would have spared us the cringeworthy sight of Hull City's manager, Phil Brown, singing on the pitch.

I know you've had a Steps microphone surgically attached to your head, Brown, but that was absolutely ridiculous. And what, exactly, did you really have to sing about?