Premier League Update - Midseason - Dec 2008

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First of all, let me apologise to our regular viewers, for not writing anything for a good few weeks now. I must admit, I've been finding it hard to raise much enthusiasm at all about the Premier League this season.

I should have been waxing lyrical about Hull City at least.

I have probably done their fans, and indeed the club a considerable disservice by not filling page after page on this site about their miraculous season.
Hull's story at least, deserves some mention as a bright light amongst, what for me at least, is the dimmest of dim seasons.

I think the most refreshing thing about Hull's success is that it is actually down to the team actually playing their own game and not getting sucked into the old "Fill your team with big strong lads" approach favoured by moronic dinosaurs like Harry Redknapp and our old friend Big Fat Sam.

Undoubtably, Hull have a few big lads of their own, but in almost all of their games this season, they have attempted to produce attacking football when in possession of the ball (3-0 away at West Brom & 4-3 away at Man U recently).

They have not settled for the mentality of attempting to suppress, and Phil Brown must be applauded for apparently forgetting everything that he learned under Big fat (I love Sunderland) Sam.

And, at the risk of sounding too much like Al Murray, Hull have pretty much achieved this without wasting money on crap foreigners. O.K. they did bring in Boateng & Geovanni, but I'd like to think that they are both decent enough players.
What Hull have done, is to bring through some good English lads as well and trusted them with being good enough to mix it with the big boys.

Well done Hull.

What pisses me off most is that you look around the Premier League and the teams are full of shit Johnny Foreigners.

We've said it time and time again, but basically the money these guys earn is obscene and is massively detrimental to English Football. Get the young English lads playing and fuck the foreigners off back home.

Fuck Harry Redknapp off somewhere as well while you're at it.

Portsmouth fans must be thanking Harry for his legacy as we speak.
They must be loving watching the likes of Younes Kaboul, Papa Bouba Diop, Noé Pamarot & Hermann Hreiðarsson lumping it 50 yards up to Peter Crouch every week.
Shit, overpaid footballers that are keeping young English lads out. And how much is Djimi fuckiong Traore getting to sit on their bench Harry?

I cannot limit the criticism just to Harry though.
Almsot every side in the League is full of foreign rubbish.

Chelsea, Man Utd & Arsenal just basically buy whoever they like and are bound to pick up the odd bit of shite along the way, but as long as they're allowed to run up massive debt without any penalty - they will continue to buy their success.
They do all, however, generally play the most attractive and exciting football in the League.(Probably down to them having the best players).

Liverpool, (who are currently top) are a different kettle of fish.
They have not yet played a game this year in which they have produced anything remotely describable as football.

We are often told that Scousers are some of the most knowledgeable fans in football. If that is the case, I expect to receive hundreds of emails this week agreeing with my statement that, for the good of English football they do not win the League this year.

Their insipid, negative, football destroying manager produces some of the most dire excuses for tactics going. And how many absolutely average overpaid foreigners have Liverpool got?

Depressing.

Man City now have the most money, and it should be almost funny to watch how they manage to make a mess of things over the next few years. City are the same as ever.
Weeks of dross punctuated with the odd glimmer of hope that gets their fans all excited again, only to be pummelled back down to Earth with more and more dross.
It's quite possible that in the near future City may be able to field a full team of Brazilians, and how shit are they going to be?
Still, Micah Richards (who I think is shit), Nedum Onuoha, Wright Phillips & Ched Evans still get a look in, so it's not all bad.

So, of all the others who don't have the money - who are doing anything to get us excited, or make us proud?

Aston Villa have certainly got to be applauded for their nurturing of English talent, and surely Young, Milner & Agbonlahor will soon be challenging for a place in the England team alongside their Club Captain Gareth Barry.

Villa's foreigners, for most part, also seem to be making decent contributions to the team effort as well. Laursen, Petrov & Carew have been very influential and shows that Martin O'Neill, whilst not always producing the most riveting stuff to watch, has certainly got the balance right.
There doesn't appear to be too many crap foreigners picking up an easy pay day there.

Everton's David Moyes must be classed as a Martin O'Neill wannabe.
Whilst Moyes has undoubtably brought through some decent English talent and actually bought some English players too, he has also spent some truly ridiculous money on crap foreigners.
The good he has done with Lescott, jagielka, Vaughan & Anichebe is diluted by the likes of Van Der Meyde & Pienaar who are living the life of Riley.
I'm not sure about Fellaini yet, who seems to be a decent player, but looks overpriced to say the least.

I don't really know what to say about Fulham.
Other than say that they prove my point about shit foreigners more than most. In fact, even the English lads there are shit.
Replace them all with some young lads on loan from various youth teams around the country and I doubt you'd notice any difference.
You'd also save yourself millions in wage bills.

Bolton are much the same, but their shit players are bigger and stronger than Fulham's. This is probably down to their manager, who judging by his tactics, we could call Sam Redknapp.

Middlesboro and Gareth Southgate are almost there, but need work doing.
Southgate has brought in some real talent from abroad in Tuncay & Alves, and has also got a predominantly English backbone to his team. He has however, let himself down badly with Huth & Mido.
I'm pretty sure I could go down my local park on Sunday morning and find half a dozen better than these two vastly overrated and overpaid shite Johnny Foreigners.

Wigan & Steve Bruce (Although it pains me to say it) seem to be doing things pretty much right.
A good nucleus of English players supplemented by some decent, and fairly inexpensive imports.
Palacios, Valencia and Zaki would not have been on many manager's shopping lists, but have proved very valuable to the team indeed.

You sort of sense that Bruce knows his level, and that of his club, and has worked accordingly. They have at times also played some of the more attractive football in this league.
Well Done.

Stoke have not surprised me in any way.
I expected them to be shit, and they are.
They do have their fair share of homegrown talent to be fair, but the well paid bench warming foreigners are there too.
Salif Diao, Amdy Faye, Mamady Sidibe & Seyi Olofinjana.
Big and shit. Harry would be proud.

Speaking of Harry, I really hope Tottenham sack him.
I would imagine that your average Spurs fan would have an immediate dislike of 'arry, and would have been mortified when he took over.
Still, in the short term, Harry has got the results, and I suppose he can take credit for that, but I don't see anything other than depression for Spurs fans.
Lets see which big, useless bastards Harry brings in in January.

Newcastle United. Jesus Christ.
Mark Viduka must cry himself to sleep at night. Then blow his nose on a fifty pound note.
I'm not going to start naming the shite that they've got, but they didn't want Milner did they?
In a world of trouble, and they'd be better off with Roy Kinnaer than Joe.

Near neighbours Sunderland must also take some stick, but they've just spent too much money on a load of average players, regardless of wether they're foreign or not.
Royston Keane was never cut out for it, in my book.
Technically an overpaid foreign manager.

Blackburn have Jack Walkers trust fund dripping through the gates of Ewood into some deeply piss poor foreign pockets too.
Christopher Samba must be the biggest, shittest player in the League. Even shitter than Huth.
I'm English, (I may be 41 and 16 & a half stone), but I live quite near to Ewood park, and I'd play for Rovers for a grand a week if Incey asked me!
I'd be no worse than that nobhead.
Mokoena, Grella, Ryan Nelson - All worse than me.

Finally, and as if to disprove my argument, West Brom.
It has to be said that I like Tony Mowbray and his approach to the game.
They do have a sort of half and half team of basically average players, of varying Nationalities, but predominantly English, and I wouldn't have thought that any of them are earning ridiculous money, but they do try and play football.

Obviously, this fiendish tactic is frowned upon, and the teams with the bigger, stronger but equally shit players have been coming out on top when facing the Baggies, leaving them rooted to the bottom.

Why bother Tony?
Just do like old Harry and buy some bigger, shitter players, and you'll be safe by March.

Like I said, Depressing.