Football Chat Archives - June 2007

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Percy - Friday, June 1
Unbefreakinglievable

Right, I've just been reading the paper and I thought I'd better say this now so that you can't accuse me of using the benefit of hindsight.

Apparently Alan Smith is going to play up front for England tonight.

Jesus.

One word......CARTHORSE.

I'm telling you now I'd rather have Crouch.

I'd rather have David Nugent than the pair of them rolled together though.

Of course he doesn't play for Manchester United or Liverpool reserves though so he's not allowed to play.

Percy - Sunday, June 3
Leeds To Go Up And Scunny To Get Relegated

Now you might think I'm shouting the odds early for next season with that statement but no, what I'm actually doing is harking back to two of the predictions my good friend Norbert made on these pages at the start of last season.

Good effort Norbs.

We didn't exactly cover ourselves in glory with our tips to be honest.

We both only named one of the three lowest placed teams in the Premier League not including the teams just promoted, both myself and Norbs fingered Wigan.

I named Birmingham as one of the promoted teams from the Championship while Norbert correctly named Sunderland (lucky for you they got Keano or you might have had another Leeds on your hands) while I predicted Blackpool's promotion from League One with Norbert naming Bristol City. I suppose his obsession with the Robins had to pay dividends sometime.

I got two of the relegated teams in League One, Rotherham and Brentford (something of a coup that one) whereas Norbert only managed Rotherham.

We both got two of the promoted sides in League Two, I selected Swindon and Bristol Rovers while Norbert called Swindon and Hartlepool (another of his pet teams) but Norbert then dragged himself level overall by naming Torquay as one of the relegated sides.

I think the kudos goes to me, however, for not picking anything as ridiculous as a Leeds promotion or a Scunthorpe relegation.

Norbert may come back to defend himself later.

Percy - Saturday, June 9
He Fathered You All

I've got a theory that only one man is allowed to sire children on Merseyside and that man is Sir Paul McCartney.

Maybe it's an old feudal right which was handed him along with his knighthood.

I say this because, as far as I can see, all Scousers look just like him.

Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Neil Mellor are all the spits of Sir Paul and while you might argue Steve McManaman doesn't look like him he does have more than a passing resemblance to Macca's late wife Linda.

It was while I was looking at an old Liverpool team photo that I began to really think it might be true, however. Tommy Smith, Chris Lawler, Ian Callaghan and Roger Hunt also look exactly the same.

Even Paul's fellow Beatles John Lennon and George Harrison looked the same. I'm not sure about Ringo Starr though.

And then there's John Parrott and Jimmy Tarbuck.

They all look the freaking same.

"He fathered you all
He fathered you all.
That boy McCartney
He fathered you all."

Unless it's just a general case of inbreeding. That might explain why Scousers use the word "Eeeeeerrrrm" twelve times more than every other word in the English language put together.

I thought Frank Lampard's comment about David Beckham was quite apt after the last game.

Contemplating Beckham's move to America Fat Frank opined that he would pick him for England even if "he was only kicking a ball about with his mates in the park."

Funnily enough Frank, that's basically what he will be doing from now on. Only they're not really his mates.

And finally David Bentley.

Obviously Stuart Pearce was not happy with his star man pulling out of the under 21 squad for their upcoming European Championship thing and it's always good to hear Psycho getting all patriotic about things.

I don't want to go into this too much but it should be noted that history is littered with examples of players ducking out of these type of England squads, many of whom are now regarded with a great deal of reverence, so disappointing as Bentley's withdrawal was I don't think it should be held against him indefinitely.

What I did find a bit disturbing, however, was the fact that he was quite happy to link up with the full squad for the games with Brazil and Estonia.

If he was too tired to do justice to the under 21 team surely he wasn't in the right shape to help out the senior team either and should have pulled out of that one too.

Seems like fatigue only sets in when full England caps aren't available.

Percy - Thursday, June 28
Close Season

It's not just the footballers who need a rest in the summer is it? Us pub chatter get a welcome break too.

At least me and Norbert seem to be enjoying one.

No doubt many of you are still eagerly lapping up all the newspaper gossip and wondering which star name your team is about to bring in or lamenting the donkey they already have.

Personally I feel in need of a break. Especially from all the hype/shite surrounding the Premier League.

Money attracts money apparently and the Premier League seems to be living proof.

Who will be the next person to buy into it? OJ Simpson?

And it pisses me off seeing all the names being linked with our top clubs. The conveyor belt of money grabbing foreigners gets faster and faster as the pot gets bigger and bigger.

You can't blame them and one or two will actually add to and improve our game. They will all, however, deny someone British the opportunity of playing the game at the top level and at some stage, probably very soon, this will surely have serious consequences for our game.

Yes, I am pretty happy to mainly forget about football for a couple of months and re-charge my batterries for the gruelling season ahead.

I wish I could forget about it to the same extent as Norbert though. He appears to have gone back into hibernation.

And no, that's not the Edinburgh based football club.

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