England: Robinson, Carragher, Ferdinand (Campbell 56), Terry, A.Cole, Beckham, Hargreaves, Lampard, J.Cole, Rooney (Gerrard 69), Owen (Crouch 4).

Sweden: Isaksson, Alexandersson, Mellberg, Lucic, Edman, Jonson (Wilhelmsson 54), Linderoth (Andersson 90), Kallstrom, Ljungberg, Larsson, Allback (Elmander 74).

Match Report: England were already through so we didn't have to do anything if we didn't want to. Germany had won their group earlier on in the day so really we didn't want to lose. Not that Germany could ever beat us in the next round but this competition is already so much our own property that we are already working out who we would most like to beat in the final.

Obviously given the choice of a World Cup final in Germany we are going to choose Germany. They'd just better hope that we decide we'll settle with less than 5-1 this time.

Anyway, we kicked this game off and very early on Rooney was giving Lampard a shooting chance. Lampard shot wide. Rooney had obviously not been paying attention while sat on the bench.

Owen Hargreaves, a man with more than one point to prove, then won a tackle which led to Lampard having another sight of goal. Lampard hit the target but was straight at the keeper when he could have played in Joey Cole. Fat Frank wouldn't be where he is today if he passed to players in better positions than himself, however.

Then came an awful moment. Michael Owen has been crap out here so far and he might have stayed crap but even when he's crap he's better than the alternative so it was not nice to see him hurt himself in a very strange manner. His World Cup is probably over and, apparently, we can't now replace him with Jermain Defoe. That is what makes it a really bad blow.

Crouch came on and anybody who has fallen for the propaganda should now feel truly ashamed of themselves. What has this freak got to offer England when it really matters?

Anyway.

Joey Cole, the man Eriksson is sure to drop when it gets serious, offered Crouch a decent headed opportunity but the tall man showed his lack of heading ability and did not even test the keeper. Did anyone really expect better?

Beckham might only be able to put in good centres and the odd great pass but they remain worth having. He produced a wonderful 60 yard ball to Rooney who brought it down magnificently but saw his shot blocked. Then Becks whipped in a free kick that the Swedish keeper fisted behind nervously.

It was pretty even steven at this stage but England just looked more likely and when a ball dropped to Joe Cole 30 odd yards out on the left wing he brought it down on his chest and smacked a dipping shot into the far corner.

He did that because he is a world class player.

The good thing is that when we get to play someone good in the knockout stages Sven will wet his pants and leave Joe out in favour of Owen Hargreaves. Forget the fact that Joe has been our best player in every game so far.

As for Hargreaves he was doing fine at this stage. England were just about on top and all he had to do was break up a few tentative attacks and pass to players who are better than he is. When the game changed and Sweden got on top he spent his time chasing shadows.

It's not his fault. He is pretty crap but the fact is that defensive midfielders are knackered if they actually have to do any defending. It's not really their fault, it's just impossible.

The other team's attacking and you have to stop them. How? You're not a defender, you're just Owen Hargreaves. You can't stop good players playing. If you could you'd be a good player yourself, but you're not. You're Owen Hargreaves.

Anyway, forget that for a moment. The first half was going so well that we were in front and when Ljungberg made a nifty little break beyond a couple of defenders Rio Ferdinand tackled him clean as a whistle despite the fact that he had just fallen flat on his face.

Fat Frank was combining with England's good Chelsea player and shot just over after being played in by Joey Cole and he also sent a chip just over after good work by Beckham and, you've guessed it, Joe Cole.

But remember, when we play someone good Eriksson will drop Joe Cole. Except he might not have to now he has no strikers. But he will probably play Crouch before him all the same.

Half Time: England 1 Sweden 0

Unbelievably England came out for the second half and let Sweden score. You might think that's a flippant comment but the scorer was Allback and if you don't let him score then he doesn't score.

Does he?

It was very easy too. A corner to the near post and Allback nipped in front of Beckham and glanced a header home. It was Crouch who was supposedly marking him though.

Joe Cole tried to restore the lead he had given us with a magnificent ball in but no-one in the middle was interested and when the ball was knocked back in to Crouch he demonstrated his complete lack of ability with a desperate attempted finish.

Ferdinand, who had looked pretty solid, suddenly left the arena to be replaced by Campbell which hardly helped matters. Almost immediately Lucic headed down from another corner and Mellberg hooked a shot goalwards that dropped onto the top of the bar with Robinson struggling.

Big Sol did make a telling contribution by blocking a drive by Larsson but that only served to show how the wind had changed since half time.

And I'm not being nasty but now we were on the back foot Hargreaves was nowhere to be seen.

The only way to defend effectively at this level is to be in the other half of the pitch.

Gerrard came on for Rooney, who had done little but as much as could be expected in the circumstances. Immediately Gerrard had to clear off the line to deny Sweden from a corner.

Suddenly England took the lead again. Amazingly Joe Cole was still on the field and was therefore able to dance across the face of the Swedish box before reversing a cross to the back post where Gerrard had made ground to send a strong header sailing past Isaksson into the roof of the net.

With only five minutes remaining we all felt that this was enough to break the Sweden hoodoo. Think again.

Sweden won a throw in on the left and this was allowed to bounce across the box and the faintest of touches from Larsson was enough to send it dribbling into the far corner. It was a goal you would be arguing about all day if your Sunday pub team conceded it.

Whatever. We're through having won our group and we get to play Ecuador. If we don't beat them then it doesn't matter. We were never going to win the World Cup anyway.

As it is, surely we will beat them and we can take it from there.

We won't have Owen though and playing Crouch would be a massive mistake.

Five midfielders is okay but only with Carrick or Lennon as the fifth and not Hargreaves. And we don't want Rio injured and we need Gary Neville back.

Jesus, we're knackered.

Full Time: England 2 Sweden 2

England: Robinson 4, Carragher 4, Ferdinand 6 (Campbell 4), Terry 5, A.Cole 5, Beckham 6, Hargreaves 6, Lampard 5, J.Cole 8, Rooney 6 (Gerrard 8), Owen n/a (Crouch 2).

Sweden: Isaksson 4, Alexandersson 4, Mellberg 4, Lucic 4, Edman 4, Jonson 4 (Wilhelmsson 5), Linderoth 4, Kallstrom 6, Ljungberg 7, Larsson 7, Allback 6 (Elmander 4).

Referee: M.Busacca (Switzerland) 6
You've gotta be happy refereeing England. We're so damn law abiding. Easy game for the ref.

Good:
Joey Cole.

Bad:
Injury to Michael Owen. He's playing like a retard but what else have we got?

Ugly:
Our defending from set pieces. Normally the least of our worries. We were shite from any dead ball situation.