David "Cyanide" Moyes - Fighter Profile
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David "Cyanide" Moyes
Born 1963 Glasgow.
Height: 6' Weight: 12 stone
Fighting style: Is liable to turn to cannibalism at any moment, so close quarters scrimmaging is not recommended. Unpredictable, mad and nasty.
May wear a Tam-O-Shanter to add a bit of flair to his brutal attacks.
Special Moves: "The Bulge" - Cyanide Moyes has an unnatural ability to bulge his eyes like a toad. Some toads are poisinous, and it almost certain that Moyes too can produce lethal secretions.
"The Heed" - Hailing from Glasgy, Cyanide is adept at head work. It is once rumoured that he worked as a riveter on a Clyde shipyard using his bonce to hammer-fix red hot pins.
Profile: Cyanide fears no man, or beast.
He grew up, like Whiskey, on the mean streets of Glasgow where he soon gained a reputation as a hard nut. By the age of 13 he was so notorious that no-one would dare fight him, so he took to fighting himself.
He has only beaten himself once in 75 attempts.
Another side of Cyanide's character was shown more recently when he was presented with the most coveted of awards: the Blue Peter Gold Badge, for his services to horticulture.
Moyes had been experimental in the development of a new hybrid variety of turnip that seemed to respond to the human voice.
He was filmed by the BBC entering a darkened soundproof room with a small 3 inch diameter turnip, then emerging one hour later with an enormous 8 inch diameter specimen.
Under rigorous scientific examination, no reasonable explanation could be given for the dramatic change.
Moyes has vowed to take his secret to the grave.

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